// Not Quite The Fairytale//

This might be love, the second time around.

I think about him all the time, I copy his favorite expression every chance I get, heck, I even dug up my old scrapbooks last night just to look at his pictures again. It’s all coming back to me. They were right, true love never, ever dies.

I’m talking about Buzz Lightyear here, people. Yup, the main man of Star Command himself. The white knight of the universe. The nemesis of Zurg. The love of my life.

Psh. I thought I was over him. It’s been many, many years since I felt this obsession, back in the days when my bestfriend and I quoted movie lines to each other and tried to guess which Disney flick they were from. Then out of the blue, my bestfriend’s elder brother popped a The Adventures of Buzz Lightyear DVD into their player while I was over at their flat, and suddenly, poof! I’m Mira Nova, Tangean princess, all over again, and he’s not just my captain but the interplanetary hunk I secretly love as well.

Forgive me, you-know-who-you-are, but it’s Space Ranger fever now.

To infinity and beyond!

// How To Date A Law Student//

FIDELITY

• Just because I never call you back or I text you a week later, does not mean I’m not interested, or I’m cheating on you. Really, I’m not that deep. I don’t have time to even consider what kind of signal I’m sending or how you might interpret it. I’m just not sending it because I. Did. Not. Have. Time.
• Just because I talk about that guy from my class incessantly does not mean we are sleeping together. I actually don’t even like him, we just spend 14 hours a day together so it’s hard not to repeat his name.
• Speaking of sex…when I have a window of opportunity, you need to drop everything. That window might close in 5 minutes and it might not come again until after Oblicon.
• And if I only last those 5 minutes, it’s no indication of my real performance ability– it’s just that I have to get back to the library.

COMMUNICATION AND LANGUAGE

• If you want me to actually read your email, label it with the name of one of my classes (legal ethics, con law, crim law, exam, etc).
• If you get a phone call consider yourself lucky, it’s the equivalent to spending a day together.
• Essentially we’re down to text messages and a booty call.
• I may talk funny and disproportionately use the words burden, rational, substantial, reasonable and injury. And please know what StatCon and ObliCon stand for and that a Tort is not edible but that I can’t explain exactly what it means either.
• Please see in the university website where ObliCon falls each week. Circle those days in your calendar and know that the 7 days preceding I will turn into a psychopath.
• My sense of humor might seem a bit warped because I can now joke about murder, rape, euthanasia, and sexual harassment. It’s really a sign of maturity and nothing else, but you might not understand.
• Know my professor’s names, nicknames, idiosyncrasies, and physical endowments or abnormalities. It’s not strange, but funny that I comment on their genitals, facial hair, boxing ability, or how they’d look naked. I have to sit and watch them everyday, what else would you start thinking about? Nod when I begin to channel them, and if you can mimic them back – even better.

SUPPORT

• Don’t ever, I repeat EVER, try to encourage me by using the word ‘fine’ in any iteration.  “I’m sure everything will be fine” is prohibited. Instead, when I am complaining or crying, remind me how incredibly hard this is and that you can’t believe how I am able to make it, the only answer is that I have superhuman strengths and therefore I deserve mad props. And tell me I am going to be an excellent lawyer.
• I have no idea what is going on in the outside world so I might sound a little ignorant when we’re talking with your parents. Please don’t make me feel worse – just whisper a few current events nuggets into my ear, I can make up the rest. Remember, I’m a lawyer wannabe. *wink
• Gifts you ask? Food, food, and food. Preferably of the hot-meal variety - please no chocolate bars, sandwiches or pizza. Or you can send me an assistant who will do things for me that a normal person has time for like: laundry, taking out the garbage, paying my bills, changing my sheets, reminding me to shower or clean my room.
• On the subject of gifts - you won’t be getting anything for a while, and thank you for understanding that I have forgotten your birthday and Christmas. For the next 3 years. Valentine’s Day – not a chance, it’s a made up holiday anyway.

AESTHETICS

• I am well aware that I look like crap on a stick. Just wait ‘til May. And don’t remind me. Instead of telling me I look really tired, try this: “You look like you really could use a massage, here – put your feet up”.
• When we first met I know you probably liked my fresh, youthful baby face. Learn to embrace the new rugged, creased, homeless-woman at times look.
• My shower and primp frequency might not be where it used to be. And around those circled ObliCon days in your calendar, it will be close to zero. I will brush my teeth though, take a bath and fix my hair- for me that is ‘dressing up’.